Deep Thoughts
Jack Handey's deep thoughts have long been a favorite of mine, but this particular blog only has the title in common.
Life is a changing again for me. Fall is here, school is starting, and questions keep popping into my head. School started last week (Monday the 21st)and this year is yet another first for me. This is the first year that I'm not the new guy. I'm not learning the ropes of a new school or the faces of co-workers and students. It is nice and I prefer it that way, but definitely different not being the mysterious new teacher.
Another chapter of my life begins tomorrow too. Graduate school. Okay, so technically it started this summer when I took an online class, but tomorrow is the beginning of my actually going to Drake every Monday and Tuesday. I think I'm up for the task but I'm not going to lie- I'm a little nervous. The time demands could eat me alive. I guess it is time to really prove to myself what I can handle though. Wish me luck.
I went to a friend's bachelor party this weekend and had a blast. Went canoeing (is that the proper spelling?) and camping. I started wondering on the way back what would be something fun and different to do for my bachelor party when that day comes. Maybe a road trip to an Iowa Hawkeye road game or something. Whatever it is it will have to be big, seeing how I will be like the last of my good friends to be married. Now before I move on I need to throw in this disclaimer: I hold no grudges against friends. I'm happy/overjoyed that my friends have found such wonderful women, seriously. I do wonder sometimes why I haven't been as lucky. I've heard the ole "your day will come, just be patient, she's out there" line 100,000 times. While it is true and I do believe that someone is out there for me, I have really started to question myself a lot. I've come to two conclusions about myself and relationships:
1) If someone likes/is interested in me, I find flaws in them. They will have a physical flaw, they are untimely, they talk weird...whatever it is. A song by one of my favorite bands, The Fray, comes to mind here. A line states that "maybe you want her, maybe you need her, maybe you started to compare to someone not there." Why do I do this? I don't know. Maybe I put myself up on a pedestal I don't deserve to be on. Maybe I start to wonder if this girl is actually crazy because she wants to be with me. Maybe I'm just afraid of starting a real relationship because a) I haven't had a real one for a long time or b) I'm afraid that in the end I will end up hurt.
2) If there is someone that I really like, things sputter out fairly soon. Either I don't have the cajones to keep things going or take the next step- again out of fear of being hurt or losing a friend/changing the landscape too much or I immediately take a defeatist attitude thinking that there must be someone better for this girl than myself. Whatever the case is, the next step is rarely taken.
Now I must admit that it isn't abnormal for a 25 year old to be single. Despite having a lot of friends married and into the next stage of their lives, I have plenty who are in the same boat...so this isn't really a comparison thing. What does bug me is my line of thinking. Or the fact that I am beginning to understand how I tick when it comes to me flubbing up a relationship and just can't fix it. I need to accept a couple truths. A) In love, you will be hurt eventually...but the payoff for that risk far outweighs the possible negative. B) I am a better person/better looking/more interesting than I think I am. Being down on one's self rarely helps with the opposite sex. C) As The Fray song says at the end, "perfection will not come" and by looking for a movie/television type relationship "maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another."
Well, hopefully that wasn't too deep for my readers- but I consider my "fanbase" to be pretty well educated. One step down in understanding me and relationships. Now I just need to figure out how to put things into practice.
Life is a changing again for me. Fall is here, school is starting, and questions keep popping into my head. School started last week (Monday the 21st)and this year is yet another first for me. This is the first year that I'm not the new guy. I'm not learning the ropes of a new school or the faces of co-workers and students. It is nice and I prefer it that way, but definitely different not being the mysterious new teacher.
Another chapter of my life begins tomorrow too. Graduate school. Okay, so technically it started this summer when I took an online class, but tomorrow is the beginning of my actually going to Drake every Monday and Tuesday. I think I'm up for the task but I'm not going to lie- I'm a little nervous. The time demands could eat me alive. I guess it is time to really prove to myself what I can handle though. Wish me luck.
I went to a friend's bachelor party this weekend and had a blast. Went canoeing (is that the proper spelling?) and camping. I started wondering on the way back what would be something fun and different to do for my bachelor party when that day comes. Maybe a road trip to an Iowa Hawkeye road game or something. Whatever it is it will have to be big, seeing how I will be like the last of my good friends to be married. Now before I move on I need to throw in this disclaimer: I hold no grudges against friends. I'm happy/overjoyed that my friends have found such wonderful women, seriously. I do wonder sometimes why I haven't been as lucky. I've heard the ole "your day will come, just be patient, she's out there" line 100,000 times. While it is true and I do believe that someone is out there for me, I have really started to question myself a lot. I've come to two conclusions about myself and relationships:
1) If someone likes/is interested in me, I find flaws in them. They will have a physical flaw, they are untimely, they talk weird...whatever it is. A song by one of my favorite bands, The Fray, comes to mind here. A line states that "maybe you want her, maybe you need her, maybe you started to compare to someone not there." Why do I do this? I don't know. Maybe I put myself up on a pedestal I don't deserve to be on. Maybe I start to wonder if this girl is actually crazy because she wants to be with me. Maybe I'm just afraid of starting a real relationship because a) I haven't had a real one for a long time or b) I'm afraid that in the end I will end up hurt.
2) If there is someone that I really like, things sputter out fairly soon. Either I don't have the cajones to keep things going or take the next step- again out of fear of being hurt or losing a friend/changing the landscape too much or I immediately take a defeatist attitude thinking that there must be someone better for this girl than myself. Whatever the case is, the next step is rarely taken.
Now I must admit that it isn't abnormal for a 25 year old to be single. Despite having a lot of friends married and into the next stage of their lives, I have plenty who are in the same boat...so this isn't really a comparison thing. What does bug me is my line of thinking. Or the fact that I am beginning to understand how I tick when it comes to me flubbing up a relationship and just can't fix it. I need to accept a couple truths. A) In love, you will be hurt eventually...but the payoff for that risk far outweighs the possible negative. B) I am a better person/better looking/more interesting than I think I am. Being down on one's self rarely helps with the opposite sex. C) As The Fray song says at the end, "perfection will not come" and by looking for a movie/television type relationship "maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another."
Well, hopefully that wasn't too deep for my readers- but I consider my "fanbase" to be pretty well educated. One step down in understanding me and relationships. Now I just need to figure out how to put things into practice.
posted by CKG at
9:42 PM
|
3 Comments
